law school is not an option

I realized, no matter how much I like politics and laws, I don't have the ambition for law school, graduate school yes, law school no. This quarter has been an emotional roller-coaster and maintaing the one law class allowed me to have a saving grace from economics, work and a chaotic home life. As the end of my quarter comes closer, as much as I love the treaties and the debates, its application is more of the interest. Perhaps I should follow the footsteps of the caped crusader. Too bad even lawyer money won't afford me that.

Uh-oh! No more Earmarks.

In the emerging truth before business as usual policies of our heavily religiously influenced government, what seemed to be a good thing actually appears to have the potential to do some great damage.

Half way through my term of studying political economic theory, I see the effects of incentives everywhere I look now. (Its amazing how things can quickly become visible when you are aware.) But last week the earmarks ended. Earmarks are fuel for personal incentives. Sometimes they are influenced by lobbyists, sometimes they are done by ideologies. What is amazing, is the application that self interest has on the greater good and positive movement ideologies. Can some economic losses can lead to long term stability?

When people go after their own needs it can provide something good, like in some earmarks. Granted we have to live within our means, but come on, an earmark to support women shelters can't be a bad thing, right? Perhaps we should have controlled them instead of dismantling them. But I suppose its too late and I have little to no power to do anything at this point. Looking at everything in government as a dichotomy can be dangerous, I know I can be guilty of it. I am seeing my own biases leaning me to believe the Tea Party only has two words "Right" and "Wrong."

My Life

On a scale of 1 to 10 I am an 8 on the happiness scale. While there are always improvements that can be made, I have to say I am moving in the right direction. Sometimes, my house isn't the cleanest, but I get to it when I can. Sometimes I don't have time to work out, but I am still pretty active. Sometimes I don't have time to see my friends, but we still love each other. Sometimes, I just breathe.

Helping to save the world creates moral dilemmas

As I learn and am surrounded by amazing brilliant people from other cultures, many refugees, I realize the further I go down the rabbit hole, the darker it gets.  Sometimes we aren't meant to fit in there, sometimes the hole is a cave not meant for us.  While I see many events I call tragedies I worry about my desire to help without interfering in the autonomy and becoming a debbie-do-gooder-know-it-all.

I believe in an altruistic goal that I know will never be satisfied.  Its a problem to have a conscience in todays western society.  We think, we as Americans know what's best for everyone.  I was raised with this paradigm.  Raised with the ideology that I need to help the world.  Fix their problems.  Running around so many years echoing not what this world can do for me but what I can do for this world.  Perhaps as a capitalist I should think of how managing my own incentives may end up with the best results for me, those around me and even the potential to impact those far away.

I dislike this realization.  I dislike being through off a path I had so clearly been set on for so many years.  Getting older, people aren't supposed to change, they are just supposed to grow.  The problem with age is that you really do know less as you get older.  I know that much.