As I learn and am surrounded by amazing brilliant people from other cultures, many refugees, I realize the further I go down the rabbit hole, the darker it gets. Sometimes we aren't meant to fit in there, sometimes the hole is a cave not meant for us. While I see many events I call tragedies I worry about my desire to help without interfering in the autonomy and becoming a debbie-do-gooder-know-it-all.
I believe in an altruistic goal that I know will never be satisfied. Its a problem to have a conscience in todays western society. We think, we as Americans know what's best for everyone. I was raised with this paradigm. Raised with the ideology that I need to help the world. Fix their problems. Running around so many years echoing not what this world can do for me but what I can do for this world. Perhaps as a capitalist I should think of how managing my own incentives may end up with the best results for me, those around me and even the potential to impact those far away.
I dislike this realization. I dislike being through off a path I had so clearly been set on for so many years. Getting older, people aren't supposed to change, they are just supposed to grow. The problem with age is that you really do know less as you get older. I know that much.
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