Monday, March 11, 2013

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Anger is probably one of my favorite emotions. It inspires me to create. It inspires me to feel and to quietly sit with my emotions. I learn from my anger and I learn because of my anger. My vocabulary expands to new forms of the word with every hot breath I take. As each beat of my racing heart boils the blood passing through, I feel a sense of satisfaction. The psychologists will tell me otherwise as I read their little pop psychology articles on the inter webs. The long and short of it is: its okay to be angry. In fact, its probably a good thing every once and a while. Knowing when to let it go and when to let it go its course is the tricky position to be in. Tonight I am angry. I am angry at the people in my life who cause me frustration. I am angry at the people who are near my existence and don't take care of their pets. I am angry at the guinea pig who chewed my power cord. I am angry at the guy who blasted my emotional insecurities at the sunday funday brunch. I am angry at myself for not taking better control of my life and letting it get to the point of being older and incomplete. My dreams are getting away from me. I am angry at the people of the world for not getting along and I am satisfied that people will stand up for what they believe in. I am angry that when I get old, I am going to wonder if I did enough with my life. This anger is a good anger. It is the anger to take charge, to take back and to move on. So here is me moving on:

Monday, March 4, 2013

Hermits have better skills

Is it true? As a socialite I realize I often have more on my plate than I can handle. It distracts me from harnessing my talents and skills into something better. Feeling as if I am pulled in too many directions leads me little time for myself. Unless its those late night hours where I sit and type. There is a strength in being alone for periods of time. So here I am alone in my room at 1:49 am on a Monday. I am rewarded with peace and quiet to sort out clarity. There is a knowledge of being punished with exhaustion and blessed with the ability to take a long nap in the middle of the day. The anticipation of the nap is an issue. As a believer in the model of expectations are bad ideas, I hate the bad decisions I make to get me to this point. The drinking coffee late at night. The pulling all nighters to complete tasks of ambivalent natures is a gamble. But what is one to do? After many great thoughts and many bad ones, I decide to write. It is my clarity it is my strength. It is the way I hermit myself and hone my craft to something I can one day not be too shy to share with the world.